Yodel, Advises Anti-Spending SageJune 28, 2009 at 9:29 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment
“Most Americans,” writes Jeff Yeager in his infinitely useful book The Ultimate Cheapskate’s Road Map to True Riches, “suffer from what I call anal glaucoma when it comes to forms of transportation other than the automobile. That is, we just can’t see ourselves dragging our asses down the road unless we’re driving a car.” A diehard scavenger who adores “quality Dumpster-diving” and “curb-shopping” and has restored, repaired, remodeled and furnished his Maryland house with scavenged materials for the last twenty years, Yeager bicycles just about everywhere, even when he has to travel out-of-state:
“A bicycle is arguably the fastest machine ever invented,” he writes. “When you factor in the time it takes to earn enough money to buy a car (plus gas, insurance, etc.)” alongside the comparative prices for a bicycle, “the bicycle wins hands down.”
On every page of his book, Yeager offers sage advice on not spending. Covering nearly every aspect of life from investments and equities to the many uses for baking soda, his thousands of practical tips include buying only groceries that cost under a dollar a pound; adopting free or frugal hobbies such as whittling, yodeling, palm-reading, ghost-hunting, masturbation (hey, it’s mentioned on page 194), ventriloquism, origami, and gravestone rubbing; and buying a “starter home” but staying there. His “cheap-speak glossary” includes such terms as “Diluter,” denoting a subset of cheapskates who “add water and other less expensive substances to stretch supplies of things like milk, juice and detergent,” and “BOGOF,” meaning “buy one get one free.”
First step on the road to happiness? “Put away your wallet,” he asserts.